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At the moment you reach that state, a punk kid who looks like his name should be Corey will run through your yard, crash into a girl on her bike, and get knocked unconscious. If you’re an old man who wants to swap bodies with a punk kid: Go into your yard with your wife and attempt to enter a high-level meditative state together. You’ll wake up with Fred Savage’s haircut. Wish aloud that you and your son could switch bodies, then touch the skull at the same time. Once home, get into an argument with your son, whom you don’t see much because you and his mother don’t get along.
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If you’re a divorced man in your twenties who wants to swap bodies with your pre-adolescent son: After a trip to China, accidentally swap bags with smugglers carrying a mysterious ornamental skull. When your heart-surgeon father gets home from work, make sure he mixes himself a Bloody Mary with the serum. If you’re a teenage boy who wants to swap bodies with his father: Get your hands on some brain-transference serum and put it in a small bottle of Tabasco sauce. Fall asleep in the earring and you’ll wake up uglier than you ever thought possible. If you’re a high-school cheerleader who wants to swap bodies with a Rob Schneider: Steal a pair of mystical African earrings from the mall, lose one, and make sure a Rob Schneider has the other. If it goes wrong - and if he’s sufficiently shoddy, it will - you’ll wake up with paws where you once had hooves. If you’re a donkey who wants to swap bodies with a cat: Ask a washed-up wizard, preferably named Merlin, to cast a teleportation spell on you. There will be a mini-earthquake and you’ll wake up with a craving for Activia. If you’re a teenage girl who wants to swap bodies with your mom: Go to a Chinese restaurant, argue loudly with your mom, and, when the kindly owner gives you fortune cookies, eat them immediately. But what if that doesn’t describe you? How then are you supposed to swap bodies? Here are some directions. The technique promulgated by The Change-Up - pissing in a public fountain while saying “I wish I had your life” - works well for men in their 30s or 40s who have nice hair and a cavalier attitude toward public urination laws. Photo: Columbia Tri-Star, Universal Pictures, Twentieth Century Fox, Walt Disney Picturesĭo you hate your life? Are you constantly wishing you could inhabit someone else’s body? Do you have mystical skulls or ancient talismans just sitting around? Have you ever wanted to look in a mirror and be surprised to see someone else’s face? If you answered yes, then body-swapping may be for you! So often seen in Hollywood and so rarely experienced in real life, the act of swapping bodies isn’t nearly as hard as it seems, so long as one heeds, extremely precisely, the lessons taught in body-swapping movies, the latest of which is this weekend’s Ryan Reynolds–Jason Bateman two-hander The Change-Up.